


He Knows

by Tb_Rails90



Category: TUGS (TV)
Genre: Depictions of explosions, Depictions of mild gore, Human forms, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 03:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15900252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tb_Rails90/pseuds/Tb_Rails90
Summary: Billy Shoepack is beating himself over his failure to control the logs that he blasted out of the way to free Sunshine. Sunshine helps him to open up about his past, and Big Mac hold some guilt. General sap and sadness all around, with a generous sprinkling of gunpowder.





	He Knows

**Author's Note:**

> I've been really slacking lately on writing, and my friend DeviousWeasel gave me an idea for a sad Billy fic. This takes place after the events of Up River, where Sunshine gets trapped in a log jam that catches fire and Billy uses dynamite to free him. Enjoy!

Billy’s eyes glanced up at the sheets of rain straight ahead, his legs pulled up to his chest and his chin on his knees. A deep rumble of thunder resounded through the air, but to Billy, it was near silent against the screaming thoughts within his brain. He had already downed his last jar of liquid courage, and he sat at the edge of this small cliff, contemplating his past decisions. His eyes closed, feeling the cold wind sweep up from the storm that was steadily advancing, the first drops hitting his skin like icy needles. It did nothing to wake his mind from his numb, muddled stupor. He heard grassy footsteps behind him, mixed with the tapping of rain against the ground. He looked over his shoulder, bleary eyes catching a glimpse of a red hat.  
“Billy, what’re you doing out here?” Said a voice. He pulled from his mind that it was Sunshine. The wind picked up and a bolt of lightning surged from the clouds, making Sunshine duck.  
“You can’t be here, Billy, let me take you inside.”  
“Ain’t no use. There isn’t a house for miles.”  
“Billy, the Star pier is right there. It’s just over that hill.”

“Huh? Oh,” Billy looked and saw the pier in the distance.  
Sunshine sighed. He was sent after Captain Star saw Billy wandering up the hill not far from where the pier was. “You best go get him,” the Captain had told him, “Before he does something stupid.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I can see it. Feel it. He’s not right.”  
Well, he was right, Sunshine thought to himself as a disoriented Billy stood up, only to promptly fall back on his butt. Sunshine rushed to help him stand.  
“What is the matter with you?”  
“I can’t tell,” Billy replied, his throat closing up. The rain poured in buckets now, and it was becoming harder to see in the evening light obscured by clouds.  
“I dunno,” Billy repeated. “I don’t… I can’t do shit,” he cried, and Sunshine stopped. The smell of moonshine on his lips told Sunshine all he needed to know.  
“What are you saying? You can do plenty.”  
“Not right,” Billy said. “Not right, I almost killed you. Big Mac said so.”  
“Oh, is this…” Sunshine flared with anger, but kept it low in his chest. Now wasn’t the time to lose it. “Is this about the log jam? I told you, Billy, I would have been roasted alive if you hadn’t used your dynamite.”  
“But I nearly killed a bunch o’ yer mates,” Billy rasped, his voice cracking. Sunshine pushed a clump of red hair from out to Billy’s face. By George, he’s crying.  
Sure enough, tears began streaming down Billy’s cheeks. He looked down in silent despair, hiccupping every so often.

“He told me I didn’t know what I was doin’. But I do!” He spat, dragging a hand down his face and latching onto his cheek. His blunt nails left marks as he dug into the skin, and Sunshine brought his hand away to cup them in his own. “He said I was a killer waiting to happen. That I sank the fuckin’… the fuckin’ Titanic, but I didn’t,” Billy rambled, choking on his hiccups as he cried. Sunshine felt his own tears brim at the back his eyes, but he held them back. They needed inside, and fast. Lightning flared around them.  
“Billy, look at me,” Sunshine ordered, and Billy’s eyes rolled their way up. “You had no control over what was going to happen next. Nobody could have known. If it were me, I’d rather have the whole key side destroyed than have you burnt up in a log pile.”  
Billy sniffed, wiping his nose on his sleeve. He looked back down and said nothing else.  
“Now c’mon, inside, now.” Sunshine made a mental note to smack Big Mac when he got back to the pier.

The doorknob turned, and the Stars looked up to find a drenched Sunshine and Billy standing in the doorway. “Can we get a towel or two? Or maybe four,” Sunshine said, and Ten Cents ran to the bathroom to grab them.  
“You two look a bit drenched,” Warrior piped up, and Sunshine faintly smiled as he took off his hat and rang it out.  
“Is Big Mac about?”  
“Nah, he’s still at the quarry. He should be back after the rain dies down.”  
Sunshine nodded, and helped Billy to take off his wet shoes so he didn’t track mud through the building. He was an absolute wreck- his eyes were red and puffy, his boots covered in mud and his hair was knotted up due to the rain. Hercules looked over his newspaper and raised an eyebrow. “Are you alright Billy m’dear?”  
Billy said nothing, and Hercules knew that something wasn’t right. He stood up and walked over to Sunshine. “How about we get you a shower, Billy, and you can stay a while.”  
Sunshine snapped his fingers in front of Billy’s face. “Ey, Billy, look ‘ere, we’re gonna get you a shower. Herc is gonna start it for ya, got it?” Sunshine gave Billy a pat on the back and he saw the faintest hint of a smile. Hercules came back from starting the shower, and watched as Billy stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.  
Hercules turned to Sunshine, and the little switcher was rubbing his temple.  
“Drunk?”  
“Very.”  
“Crying?”  
“Yup.”  
“About the logs?”  
“You’re awfully observant today.”

“I thought it might be,” Hercules mused, “When Big Mac was making those off-hand remarks, I knew that Billy heard him in passing. I just didn’t realize it would mess him up so badly.”  
“Normally he just ignores or embraces the teasing,” Sunshine said quietly. “He knows what’s all in good fun and what isn’t, and Big Mac went too far.”  
Hercules nodded. “Let’s give him a minute to get clean, then we can sit him down and let him sober up.”  
There was a cry and a loud THUD behind the bathroom door, and a muffled voice called out. “Can someone grab me the soap? It slipped out o’ my hands.”  
Hercules glanced at Sunshine, and quickly walked away. “I don’t think I’m mentally ready to walk in there.”  
“Right. Leave him to me.”  
“I ain’t got soap!”  
“I’m coming, Billy, don’t worry,” Sunshine called, and Hercules went to the small stove to make a pot of coffee.

After Billy got out of the shower and dressed, he sat on the small couch in a very sad state. Sunshine came over with two mugs of coffee and sat next to him.  
“Have a hot drink.”  
“Thanks,” Billy said, trying to smile politely but finding it hard to move at all. Sunshine watched as his hand slowly moved toward the cup handle.  
“Ya know, I think in human years you’re past the part where I gotta spoon feed you,” Sunshine joked, and Billy finally broke into a smile.  
“Eh, I suppose,” he replied hoarsely, bringing the cup to his lips. “Maybe not mentally, though.”  
Sunshine hummed and leaned back against the couch.  
“What drove you to sit on the cliff?”  
“I felt sad. Went to the good juice,” Billy replied. “It didn’t stop it. Not like it normally does. It’s… the whole thing has been getting worse.”  
“What thing?”  
“Me. Me being this sad, heavy burden,” Billy replied, becoming angrier now. “I get that people are afraid of me. I get they make fun. I don’t normally care. Why do I care now?” He looked at Sunshine, green eyes searching for some sort of answer. Sunshine put a hand on his shoulder.

“Sometimes, Billy,” Sunshine said after a moment, “sometimes, it just adds up. You might be able to carry a certain amount, right? But if you keep stacking on weights, you can only handle it for so long.”  
“S’pose so,” Billy replied, rubbing a sunken eye and downing his mug quickly. “It’s just… I was so scared for you. Back with the logs, I mean.”  
Sunshine flushed a bit and nodded. Billy rubbed his temples with his fingers, feeling his brain finally sober up. “When I saw that jam, and Ten Cents asked me to use my dynamite, I knew exactly what to do! It seemed the best option, other than get roasted from all ends.”  
“And in the end, it did get me out of there.”  
“Exactly! You’re still alive, that’s what matters, ain’t it?” Billy exclaimed, gaining some of his energy back. “Big Mac said it wasn’t controlled, but it was. If it wasn’t, he’d be in smithereens.”  
“Alright, alright,” Sunshine said, calming him down.  
Billy took a breath and continued. “I was scared for the key side, and what I’d done, after Mac yelled at me till he was blue in the face. But when I heard that they diverted the logs, I was so relieved. I felt… y’know, not a total fuck up.”  
He then sighed. “But then he said I was a killer in the making. Waiting with the right amount of TNT to send the whole place up. Does he… does he really think I can’t handle it?” Sunshine saw tears well back up in Billy’s eyes, and he quickly handed him a tissue. He heard the door open and shut, and a murmur of voices, but he ignored it. He focused on Billy as he was blowing his nose.

“I’ve seen things, Sunny,” he said. “I’ve seen shit that’s spun me right round. I know how to handle dynamite, dammit, because I’ve seen it handled worse.”  
Sunshine put a gentle hand on his back, waiting for the anger to subside. “How worse? What’d you see?”  
“It’s pretty gruesome.”  
“I can take it.”  
“Will they be able to?” Billy shoved a thumb behind him, in the direction of Warrior and Ten Cents who were not-so-subtly eavesdropping.  
“I’m sure, if they can sit on the couch like normal people,” Sunshine stuck his tongue out at Ten Cents, and the older switcher returned the favor.  
“It’s… a long story,” Billy began, “back when I was just starting. Had to be only my second year on the salvage fleet. I was sent up to finish a contract at the munitions factory. When they told me I’d be going there, I was elated. I love the stuff, it’s so exciting!” Billy paused, clearing his throat. “Erm, anyways, there was a bloke there by the name of Magnus. He was a sleek looking fellow, and he worked for the company alongside two others.”  
Billy leaned back, looking up at the ceiling as if he were drawing the memory from the air. “He was a feisty one, didn’t really listen to anyone. He was the head honcho, and when I was sent up there, he was up in my face about how to act around there.”

By now, a few others came to sit in chairs and listen to Billy. They had always secretly wondered what drove Billy to his love of explosives- and now seemed an opportune moment to find out. Ten Cents scooted his chair closer so he could rest his head against the arm of the couch.  
“He tells me, ‘This ain’t Up River anymore, so long as you’re on this contract, you’re mine.’ I had a bit of a problem with that, but I decided not to argue with him. The two other guys were friendly though- they said he was like this all the time with newbies. Our job was to sort the explosives out, then pile them into barges. I would then take me own barge and be off.”  
“What kind of explosives?” Asked Ten Cents.  
“Just regular ol’ dynamite, a couple o’ shipments for the quarry and then a few for loggin’. But Magnus wanted it a specific way, and he would handle the shipments so shoddily in order to stack them in the way he wanted.”  
“Did anyone complain?”  
“Yeah, but they couldn’t get it through his thick skull, no matter how hard they tried,” Billy replied. “That’s when trouble struck. We were pulling out of the factory dock when Magnus got into an argument with one of his mates. Brave guy, tried to stand his ground, but Magnus decided he was gonna hit things in order to get his point across. His mate told him, ‘you best not be too fast, you’ll catch the dock ablaze.’ That just made him angrier, and he blew sparks out of his stack to show him that he wouldn’t catch anything on fire.”

He looked at the Stars as they made a resounding wince. “I’m guessing that’s what spun him right round,” OJ piped up. He had taken a seat next to Warrior.  
“You all’ve caught onto this a lot quicker than they ever did,” Billy smiled a bit, before biting his lip. “A lot quicker.”  
Sunshine gave Billy’s arm a squeeze, and he continued. “I turn around to try an’ give him some sense, see, but I have to go slow so I don’t run my barge int’a anything. I don’t know what spurred him on, whether his mate was speaking or he was just that mad, but he revved forward and ran right into me. Hurt like a bitch,” He added, rubbing his back.  
“But sparks from his stack landed on my barge, right behind me. I untied that thing and I bolted.”

He bit his lip. “There was some yellin’, but I didn’t know what they were saying. Seconds later, I’m blasted forward. It was like a small tsunami.” Billy fiddled with his empty mug, feeling the stares from the other Stars. “I turn around soon as I’m able, and I look at the side… it was horrible. The entire dock, and the side of the building, was blown to splinters. There was so much fire, and one of his mates was screaming about his eye. I rush back over, and…”  
He gathered himself for a moment. “Magnus was split in half. One part of him was on the concrete, the other at the bottom of the channel. I look at one of his mates, and his eye is covered in blood. It was nasty.”  
The others gasped and winced. Sunshine put an arm around Billy’s shoulder. "That sounds like Sea Rogue," Ten Cents thought. “That Magnus really was somethin’, wasn’t he?”  
“I took one look at Magnus, and I immediately swore that I would never become like him.”

There was a tense silence, before OJ coughed and cleared his throat. “So, uh, what did you do next, Billy?”  
“I studied, o’ course,” he said matter-of-factly. “I studied everything I could- each type of explosive, how to make them, use them, how strong of a bang they can make,” he waved his hand in an arc, before resting it on his forehead. “But I also studied what damage it can do, what smoke would do, and how to put them out as fast as you start them. I kept at it for a few years, ‘till Sunny came on. Then I taught him.”  
Ten Cents blinked. “You know about this stuff, Sunshine?”  
“Eh, not as much as he does,” Sunshine rubbed the back of his neck, “but enough to get me out of trouble.” They all laughed, and Billy relaxed.  
“I really do know what I’m doin’. I just get excited an’ folks think I’ll blow their heads off.”  
“We believe you, Billy,” Warrior said. “You might be real excited but you do know a lot.”  
Billy sighed and smiled a bit, feeling sore and tired from the evening’s events. Sunshine stood up. “I think it’s time we get to sleep, ey? Been a long day.”  
The rain had stopped completely, the clouds breaking every so often to let the silver moonlight glint off the water. As the others left the office to return to their bodies, Sunshine led Billy to an extra room used for human crews when they had night shifts. He could sleep until morning where he could get a bit closer to his regular body.

Hercules watched from a corner in Captain Star’s office with Big Mac beside him. They heard the whole thing, and as soon as the others left, Hercules turned to look at Big Mac. The harbor tug had a sunken, devastated look on his face.  
“You know I never meant those things.”  
“Yes, sweetheart, but he doesn’t.”  
Big Mac rubbed his face with his hand, feeling guilt swell up in his stomach. “What am I supposed to do now?”  
“What do you think you should do, Macca?”  
Big Mac bit the inside of his cheek, and walked slowly to the guest room where Billy and Sunshine were staying. Sunshine had decided to stay with Billy overnight to keep him company.  
“Tomorrow. To let ‘em rest a bit.”  
“Sounds just fine, Big Mac, but you best hold up to it,” Hercules said, stepping out into the chilly air to return to his normal body. Big Mac followed, a knot forming deep within his stomach, glued by some horrid form of guilt. He shoved it aside, letting it fester as he slept.


End file.
